Why I Hate Google

3 Reasons Why I HATE Google (Don’t LEAVE Me)

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(I really don’t Google, I Love You, I don’t know who this person is, ignore him…PLEASE LOVE ME)

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s being at the mercy of someone else.

I started this blog as a way to (potentially) discover myself.

If I’m being completely honest, I just wanted to write.

Whatever thoughts entered my head, I told myself, “Partha, get them down on paper” (or proverbial paper as the case may be.)

The whole point of this blog is that I wanted to learn how I tick.

God, that sounds bad doesn’t it.

Do you know what, I’m even worried about using the word “God” in that sentence.

I’m not aiming to be blasphemous, it’s just a figure of speech.

However, this is the World Wide Web, so I’m at the mercy of not only Google, but every keyboard warrior going.

Oh, I can already feel the hate.

Anyway, my point? (And yes, there is a point).A woman wearing a Google sweatshirt and smiling

This blog is supposed to be my very own self-help/personal development tool.

But, being an online marketer (and I use that term VERY loosely), you’re almost expected to write for the search engines (we’re told we don’t, but you know as well as me, it’s ALWAYS in the back of your mind).

I had a number of valid and very important things that I wished to discuss today, but do know what stopped me?

Highly Competitive Keywords.

There I said it. Whatever has been on my mind today, well the fact that there are no relevant “low hanging fruit” or “competitive keywords” has stopped me from writing.

So, basically the whole point of this blog has been stopped DEAD in its tracks because I am overly wary of search engine popularity.

And any of you who write regularly online know just how difficult achieving this type of popularity can be.

So, here I am, at 9.19pm (it’ll be later by the time I’m done, probably tomorrow morning before I decide to publish) writing this now because my apparent writing talent (and once again, I use that term VERY loosely) has been stunted (no short jokes, please) by my overwilligness to try to please someone else (no change there then).

So, without further ado (and possibly for once in my life – casting all thoughts of fame, fortune and popularity aside, I choose to go AGAINST the grain), here are my 3 REASONS WHY I HATE GOOGLE.

Where is the Love (The Google Love)?

Dear Google,

Do you know what it’s like to love someone and receive nothing back in return?

You tip-toe around lightly, but feel as though you’re walking on eggshells.

You constantly make loving comments.

You follow the supposed rules.

You do everything that you’re told to do. You’re obedient. You’re honest. You’re loyal.

And what do you get in return?

Oh here you go Partha – thank you for all your hard work, thank you for doing everything you were told to do, thank you for following the rules to the TEE.

You have done EVERYTHING I asked of you – so have a Google rank of 98.

Just in case you were wondering – NOPE, no-one’s ever gonna find you there. It’ll take weeks, actually months, potentially YEARS of you showing the exact same love you already have, and I may…I said MAY…consider giving you a rank of 17.

Oh great!

Page 2 of Google.

A saying I will never forget – the best place to hide a dead body is on Page 2 of Google (basically no-one’s ever going to look on page 2, never mind find something there).

Thanks for nothing Google.

Actually, I’ve just realised what your game is Google.

You’re playing with me, toying with my emotions.

In fact, I bet you now rank me for “The best place to hide a dead body”. And you’ll probably rank my brand new website today.

So, I guess I can expect a visit from the Police by tomorrow morning and be carted off, prison here I come.

Sneaky. Nicely played Google.

You’ve Changed (Up to 600-3,000 Times a Year Apparently)

So, here I am being the exact same person that you fell in love with (okay, I wish).

But you get what I mean.A person wearing virtual reality googles with their hands in front of them

With me – what you see is what you get.

But…YOU.

Well, let’s face facts, you’re not exactly honest.

You change your algorithms almost as much as Amazon changed their commission structure in 2020 (Oh No, another low blow. I’m never gonna work in this town/internet ever again).

What’s a guy supposed to do?

You tell me one thing – so I act in a certain way.

The next day you’ve changed in so many ways, so once again I abide by YOUR RULES and I act in a way that I feel may be more becoming of you.

And what do I get in return?

You change again!

Look Google, there is only so much a man (should I use that term loosely too?) can take.

I’ve never changed.

I’ve always remained the same.

I do whatever you want, even when you change your algorithm (mind), day-to-day.

What?

Oh, so now I’m predictable and boring.

Hmm, typical Search Engine!

All mouth, no backlinks.

The Ever Evolving (Changing) Face of Google

You’re Just TOO Damn Strict

Rules! Rules! And then more RULES.A person wagging their finger and looking cross as though they are telling you off

I remember the days when you allowed me to stuff you with keywords and I could rank NUMBER ONE.

But, apparently that won’t work anymore. (okay, I guess this is related to CHANGE once again, but I need to get my point across).

Just in case that’s not true, let’s have a quick experiment,

As an online marketer what “searchable” keyword would make me a trillionaire?

Got it.

  • The best article ever written in the history of the internet.
  • The best article ever written in the history of the internet.
  • The best article ever written in the history of the internet.
  • The best article ever written in the history of the internet.

Well, there you go Google. I’ve just done my own little bit of keyword stuffing, let’s see if I can outfox the master, and rank page 1, position 1 for

The best article ever written in the history of the internet.”

Google, not only do you change over 600 times a year (3,000 times in 2018 apparently), multiple times a day, but now you’ve become stricter. MUCH stricter, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s just not on.

DISCOVERY: So, I played around a little with my keyword tool (yes I can cheat too you know) and I’ve only gone and discovered that the phrase “Why I Hate Google” has a small number of monthly searches and isn’t overly competitive.

So, if you want me back then rank me for “Why I Hate Google.” Thanks.

Do You Even Care About My Final Thoughts

I had a huge number of topics I wanted to write about today (not sure if anyone would ever read them, never mind appreciate them), but I had a lot on my mind, and a lot I wanted to get off my chest.

HOWEVER, due to you

  • No longer showing any love.
  • Changing many, many times a day.
  • Being too strict.

I’m going to have to go and ply my trade elsewhere.

But do you know what Google, I don’t need you anymore, and I never did.

There are others out there now. There are those who can show me just as much love as you used to. In fact, there are even those who can show me more love than you’ve ever been capable of.

So goodbye Google (I don’t really mean it – I’m scared!)

Now before we part ways for good, just let me quickly use your engine – “How to unblock your url on Facebook?”

Has Google cheated on you too?

Are you missing the Google Love?

You know what – we can do this together – drop me a line in the comments section below and we’ll hook up and defeat this monster together.

Thank you for reading.

10 thoughts on “3 Reasons Why I HATE Google (Don’t LEAVE Me)”

  1. You, too? I’m sorry that you’re going through this but please know that Google is just your typical passive aggressive narcissist. My life has been so much happier since we broke up. No, not really. Just waiting for Google realize the error of it’s ways and beg me to come back.

    Reply
    • Hi Cynthia,

      Haha. Yes very true.

      I guess I just had to get it off my chest, but you are perfectly correct – even though we may jest that we no longer need Google, he’s always there in the back of our minds.

      Thanks
      Partha

      Reply
  2. Hi Partha, I completely agree with you. You’re not alone. I have hudreds of things to blog about but competitive keywords restrict me somewhat. However, I see you have ranked on page 1 before, so therefore you can do it again. Great post. Keep going mate.

    Reply
    • Hi Russ,

      Thank you for your comments.

      Yes, I think we are often at the mercy of Google, especially when it comes to writing articles about things that we think we should.

      I say, every once in a while, let’s not worry about keywords, ranking, etc. and just write from the heart.

      You just never know what might happen.

      Partha

      Reply
  3. I hear what you’re saying here mate, even though it is heavily sarcastic. It can be frustrating sometimes when you want to write an article which would benefit readers profoundly, but you have to dilute the contents on one or more levels to fit around the keyword.

    Reply
    • Hi Simon,

      I hear you.

      And I totally understand that frustration. But, as I’ve mentioned to Russ, I don’t think there’s any harm if we just choose to write from the heart every once in a while.

      In fact, it could prove to be beneficial.

      Partha

      Reply
  4. haha, i can totally relate to this! Thank you for putting my feelings into words:) Just for this, Google should rank your post on page 1.

    I am sure it must have been difficult to stop at just 3 reasons…..

    Reply
    • Hi Sasha,

      Why thank you. Well that would be lovely if this post ranked on page one of Google. You never know!

      Oh yes indeed, I’m sure we could all think of many, many reasons to hate Google, and yet we are all so forgiving and chase that elusive first page time-and-time again.

      Partha

      Reply
  5. Oh, it was such a fun to read it, Partha, thank you! Occasionally I laughed out loud, until I realized everyone was looking at me 😉
    Has Google cheated on me? Of course it has! Anyone who has been around longer than a couple of month, or even weeks (600 times per year???) have witnessed changing, more precisely tightening up the rules at Google, so I guess we could all fall OUT of love with the big G.(and A. as well…)
    But, the thing is, we all want to keep up our relationship, even though it is far from perfect.
    And…it takes two to tango, so I heard. So, as unfair as it is, the other side can also choose who with, or on what terms. And, if we want to dance…. 😉
    We can pour out our bitter soul later, though 😉

    Reply
    • Hi Hermina,

      Always fantastic to hear from you.

      Well there’s nothing wrong with laughing out loud, even if people are staring at you. It’s good for the soul, or so I’m told.

      Yes, Google can be a bit of a cheat and I completely agree with you, it does indeed “take 2 to tango”. So, it would be nice to get a little something in return. Don’t you think?

      But yes I’ll just keep on plugging away (like everyone else) and see if Google eventually decides to return some of that love.

      Partha

      Reply

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